My dear Christmas Wish (part 2)


After 5, yes FIVE years, I am writing about the same person - my dear Christmas Wish (CW).
Part one was posted December 27, 2009, so technically that's almost 5 years.

Anyway, it seems shocking I'm writing about the same person again. Back then, I write about CW with a hopeful tone trying to daydream about the beautiful things that could happen between us. Since, it has been a HUGE roller coaster ride.

Let me start off with events that happened in December 16, 2012, two years ago. CW and I started seeing each other but on a very superficial level. It quickly escalated because unlike before, this time it was CW who had strong feelings for me. I could not just revive the feelings I had back in 2009 with the same person, it's a long process and it needs a getting-to-know stage version 2.0. Well, we did that and we started dating seriously. It went on for months and wonderful moments were shared, and we practically got to know each other's families and true personalities. What I described as a 'shut book' in 2009 was starting to open up. The covers started fading away and I also welcomed CW into my life. During that time, I could not say 'I love you' and 'I want to be with you forever' to CW not because these weren't true, but because I was then too afraid to commit to my first really, really serious relationship. I was afraid that I would fail CW because of my incapacity for long term commitment and lack of self love.

In May 7th, 2013, I hooked up with another person and CW was outraged by this. CW felt betrayed and cheated on - even though we were not yet committed. We started to talk about it starting from my birthday, May 8, until we made a decision on the 10th to commit. 'I love you's were finally said to each other and then we tried to work hard on the relationship. It was difficult, very difficult working on rebuilding the relationship. Betrayal and infidelity has always been a crusher of relationships and commitments, but this time we did everything to keep it all together.

Fast forward, and we've been together for one year. In May 8th 2014, by 21st birthday, CW did not show up because we had a huge fight. No gifts, no happy moments and no celebration between me and CW. Our first anniversary was coming up and it was simple.

Fast forward again to this month, November 2014. I discover that CW has been cheating on me since March of the same year. Like a friend puts it, we only had an honest, real relationship from the day I committed to the relationship (May 2013) to the day CW was unfaithful (March 2014). That's 10 months of an honest and serious relationship. But what about the rest of the 2 years that we've been "together"? What do I make up of the 14 months?

14 months of betrayal, deception, or even hypocrisy? I was a changed man when CW came into my life because I learned how to be honest with a relationship, but CW broke the vow through infidelity.

Now I am having nightmares and anxiety attacks over these troubles. I know so a lot of details about CW's unfaithfulness - that is started in March, that it was someone from the past, and worst of all, that CW actually fell in love with the person. Now, I pretend I know none of these. But I will soon confront CW once we see each other. What will happen next, and how will part 3 look like? We'll see.